Letting go

Have you ever thought about your funeral…….I know it’s morbid, but once someone close to you dies the reality of our short time on this earth hits closer to home. It brings thoughts to my mind such as will a lot of people come to morn my death, what kind of music will they play, what words will be spoken…..all of those things, but most importantly, will people be able to say without a doubt, “she was a good Christian woman.”

Jeff’s visitation was on Monday evening and over 500 people attended. If there was any doubt that Jeff was a loved person they were erased that evening. I remember thinking, “If only he could have seen how many people loved him.” He might have found someone to talk to and not done what he had done. Unfortunately, we never tell anyone how we really feel about them until it’s too late. We hold grudges and bad feelings for years or just tell ourselves, “We’ll get around to visiting or calling one day.”

Tuesday morning was the funeral, I was so extremely tired and I didn’t feel well. I knew I was going to speak and Satan was trying to talk me out of saying what I felt I needed to. I really wanted people to understand what type of person Jeff was a wonderful, husband, father, son, brother and friend. I also wanted people to understand that there are always options……choosing to end your life was not one of them. Life is never as bad as the enemy wants us to think it is and he really doesn’t want us to know that we can go to one that can turn it around. I spoke exactly what I needed to and felt the Lord help me to get through it without fear.

Since Jeff was not in church or religious I had my aunt deliver the message at the funeral. We talked about what she was going to say. She gave a powerful message on the importance of guarding our soul. We spend so much money and effort trying to improve the outward without ever giving much thought to our soul and where we will spend eternity. Apparently, some people heard a different message or disagreed with the message, from that point on trouble started. Even before we made it back home people were fighting.

I am so not a grudge holder; I am very much a forgiving person sometimes to the point of getting walked all over. You know what, I don’t care, grudges and bitterness only hurts the person who’s not letting go of them. I would rather be forgiving as Jesus instructed in Matthew 18:21-22, “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, until seven times seven but, until seventy times seven. “ That’s a lot, but how much more should we be forgiving when God has forgiven us for so much more.

If you’re holding a grudge or bitterness towards someone I hope you can forgive them, I promise you’re only hurting yourself. If you struggle with it pray and ask God to help you, He will! Once you are gone or they are it’s not going to make a bit of difference.