The first school year came to a close. It had been a good year and God had provided and helped me with the students in my class. As I began to think about the summer months I had no idea what I was going to do. As it turned out I did not get a paycheck during summer, so I needed to find a summer job and quick! Unfortunately very few companies will hire you for 10 weeks and with the recession in full swing I was totally panicked!
I had spoken to a couple people on campus and told them to let me know if they heard of anyone hiring. One of my friends said, "he knew someone but was unsure of when the job would be available." I had a couple students who needed tutoring a few times a week so I started doing that, this gave me about $100 a week income (try living on that for very long), talk about stretching your money. Some of the weeks they would forget to pay or would cancel, so money I would plan on showed up late or not at all.
I had a couple people give me their tithes during this time, they said they felt the Lord would want them to help one of His own when they were in a tight spot. This money helped me stay caught up. I began to get desperate and didn't know what to do. I called the school and asked them if they had anything that I could do. They did......and now I know why the job was available. I had to call people to update the address list the school had on file, approximately 10,000 families. It was the most boring job I have ever had. A day after I started the job, I got the call that the summer job I had been wanting was now available and I could start immediately. If I would have just waited patiently on the Lord, I wouldn't now have 2 jobs!
As much as I am not someone to back out on something, I did the most uncomfortable thing in the world and quit the calling job. My impatience put me in a difficult, uncomfortable situation, all because I was not patient enough to wait for the Lord to provide. I found out from that specific situation to WAIT, the Lord always has a plan and each summer since He has provided. I have been able to keep that summer job even through the school year.
God has something huge planned for me, but if I do now what I did back then and try to "fix it" myself He'll have to come behind me and correct my mistakes. I have to learn to let my impatience not take over His master plan. If you're wondering if that job, spouse, money or whatever your need is will be coming in.....remember God really doesn't need your help to take care of it, He only needs your willingness to wait and be obedient in what He wants for your life!
Isiah 30:41 "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Learning how to pray
It's a difficult thing when a relationship ends, whether it be a spouse, friend, family member, co-workers, whatever the case it's never easy just to walk away from people and forget them. My first year at GBS God was trying to show me that I needed to put all my trust in Him. If I needed something financially, I needed to take it to Him. If I needed a friend, I needed to let Him know. When Montessa and I weren't seeing eye to eye, I had to leave the problem with Him.
This is a very difficult lesson to learn, especially for me. I'm a very controlling person. I like to have complete control of situations, my motto, "If you want something done right, do it yourself." Well I'll be the first to admit, that's not a good motto. At some point we will always need someone, we were placed here to help each other and God uses people to answer prayers. However, I believe there are times in our lives when God wants us to F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely On God)!
Over the months I would come to Him with issues or problems, like Lord, how am I gonna afford Christmas or my car insurance is due and I don't have the money. Lord I really want Montessa biological mother to get saved, she needs to know what it's like to serve you. Whatever my issue for the moment I was forced to take it to God. I shouldn't be surprised, but He came through every time.
I was thinking the other day about those times and my times as a Christian. All the prayers God has answered. I was talking to a friend and told him, "Every thing I have ever truly prayed for and needed, God has provided, honestly all my wants as well." He couldn't believe it, but it's true. I have had to trust Him in every aspect in my life.....financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and a lot of times even when I was lonely and I felt nobody else in the world cared. Now don't go getting all sad for me, I don't feel that way often and when I do I have learned to take it Jesus. He is the one person I can always go to, even when no physical human being is around.
This has helped me over the years to truly and honestly take the scripture, "Pray without ceasing",1 Thessalonians 5:17, to heart. I tell my students I pray all day, I'm constantly talking to God, even when they wouldn't suspect it. I believe that's what He wants from us, even before telling a friend about our problem, He wants us to tell Him.
It's not an easy thing to learn to pray, I remember growing up and even into my adulthood I used to pray the, "Now I lay me down to sleep, prayer", you know it. Throughout my last few years as a Christian I have really started learning how to pray, I believe God is honoring my prayers because when I pray about it I believe He will take care of it because He has never failed me!
Are you trusting Him for all of your needs, or are you trying to control the situation before handing it off to Him to have to fix what you messed up? If it's given to Him first it will always be done the right way, the first time, God doesn't make mistakes!
This is a very difficult lesson to learn, especially for me. I'm a very controlling person. I like to have complete control of situations, my motto, "If you want something done right, do it yourself." Well I'll be the first to admit, that's not a good motto. At some point we will always need someone, we were placed here to help each other and God uses people to answer prayers. However, I believe there are times in our lives when God wants us to F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely On God)!
Over the months I would come to Him with issues or problems, like Lord, how am I gonna afford Christmas or my car insurance is due and I don't have the money. Lord I really want Montessa biological mother to get saved, she needs to know what it's like to serve you. Whatever my issue for the moment I was forced to take it to God. I shouldn't be surprised, but He came through every time.
I was thinking the other day about those times and my times as a Christian. All the prayers God has answered. I was talking to a friend and told him, "Every thing I have ever truly prayed for and needed, God has provided, honestly all my wants as well." He couldn't believe it, but it's true. I have had to trust Him in every aspect in my life.....financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and a lot of times even when I was lonely and I felt nobody else in the world cared. Now don't go getting all sad for me, I don't feel that way often and when I do I have learned to take it Jesus. He is the one person I can always go to, even when no physical human being is around.
This has helped me over the years to truly and honestly take the scripture, "Pray without ceasing",1 Thessalonians 5:17, to heart. I tell my students I pray all day, I'm constantly talking to God, even when they wouldn't suspect it. I believe that's what He wants from us, even before telling a friend about our problem, He wants us to tell Him.
It's not an easy thing to learn to pray, I remember growing up and even into my adulthood I used to pray the, "Now I lay me down to sleep, prayer", you know it. Throughout my last few years as a Christian I have really started learning how to pray, I believe God is honoring my prayers because when I pray about it I believe He will take care of it because He has never failed me!
Are you trusting Him for all of your needs, or are you trying to control the situation before handing it off to Him to have to fix what you messed up? If it's given to Him first it will always be done the right way, the first time, God doesn't make mistakes!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Really Lord???
After returning home from Belize I was heading off to God's Bible School and College. I was so excited and looking forward to what was planned for the year, then I remembered, I only know 3 people at the school. My daughter and my pastor's wife Melissa who was also a teacher at the school (and I didn't even know her very well, I had just started attending their church)and Justin who referred me to the school in the first place, but I rarely saw him.
The first few weeks were an adjustment, new home, new employer, new way of living (in a fishbowl) and trying to stay out of Montessa's way so she could actually be a college student without mommy following her around.
I'm gonna be very honest here, by the end of the first month, I HATED IT!! I started questioning everything I thought I knew, what God's plans were for me and I felt alone and isolated. I felt like an 18 year old who dropped off in a foreign land and told to deal with it and make the best of it. Honestly, I was trying but nothing seemed to work. I started spending my weekends at my mom's house just so I didn't have to be on campus. I didn't know anyone real well and it was like walking into a new school as a kid and having to make friends all over. It was already a well oiled machine, these people didn't know me or anything about me and as a side note, I'm really bad at small talk. I find it difficult to just talk to people I don't know.
Again, God was trying to show me I needed to rely on Him and not myself. He always has a bigger plan than we can imagine. I remember praying one night that He would have to help me because as is, I wasn't going to make it. I went to school the next morning and asked Melissa to pray for me because I was miserable. For some reason, I don't know why it was easier to start my life over in Belize than it was just 40 minutes from my hometown.
Like the movie, Field of Dreams....you remember it, the one with Kevin Costner and the baseball players, "If you build it they will come." Well God said, "If you ask I will send you some friends" and He did! Answering prayers not only for me, but also the people He sent into my life at the time. It's all about timing, again I had to be reminded it's never my time, it's God's.
The first few weeks were an adjustment, new home, new employer, new way of living (in a fishbowl) and trying to stay out of Montessa's way so she could actually be a college student without mommy following her around.
I'm gonna be very honest here, by the end of the first month, I HATED IT!! I started questioning everything I thought I knew, what God's plans were for me and I felt alone and isolated. I felt like an 18 year old who dropped off in a foreign land and told to deal with it and make the best of it. Honestly, I was trying but nothing seemed to work. I started spending my weekends at my mom's house just so I didn't have to be on campus. I didn't know anyone real well and it was like walking into a new school as a kid and having to make friends all over. It was already a well oiled machine, these people didn't know me or anything about me and as a side note, I'm really bad at small talk. I find it difficult to just talk to people I don't know.
Again, God was trying to show me I needed to rely on Him and not myself. He always has a bigger plan than we can imagine. I remember praying one night that He would have to help me because as is, I wasn't going to make it. I went to school the next morning and asked Melissa to pray for me because I was miserable. For some reason, I don't know why it was easier to start my life over in Belize than it was just 40 minutes from my hometown.
Like the movie, Field of Dreams....you remember it, the one with Kevin Costner and the baseball players, "If you build it they will come." Well God said, "If you ask I will send you some friends" and He did! Answering prayers not only for me, but also the people He sent into my life at the time. It's all about timing, again I had to be reminded it's never my time, it's God's.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Should I stay or should I go?
Have you ever had a major decision to make and really no matter what happened you would be fine with the outcome? After being in Belize for about 5 months I started feeling like I needed to return to America. The problem was, come back to what? I didn't really have anything in America but my family. I love them all dearly but starting over completely, again, was not something I relished.
As the school year started to come to an end I felt like my purpose for being in Belize was accomplished. I began praying because I knew I didn't want to come home and work in a secular job,doing the same old, same old. My prayer was for the Lord to open up a job position at God's Bible School and College for me. If I was offered a position to teach there, then I would know for sure I was supposed to go back home.
I emailed the principal I had interviewed with in January and just asked him to keep me in mind if any positions opened up. He emailed me back a few days later and told me he had a teaching position for me for the next school year, if I was interested. I WAS INTERESTED! My prayer had been answered! I accepted the position and we purchased our plan tickets. Then it happened! Just when life is moving along smooth a big ole slap in the face. He contacted me again apologizing that my position had been given to someone else. Apparently, there was a lack of communication and two people were hiring someone for the same position. UGH!!! This was totally a test of my faith.
I came back to the apartment and told Aunt Carol what had happened and that I didn't have a position anymore. She said, "We are going home, one way or another you will be working for God's Bible School." She was right, within a few days I received another email stating the issue had been resolved and my position was available. I was on my way back to America.
God works in such mysterious ways. We left Belize headed back for America at the beginning of July, our time in Belize had been fulfilled. God had used us for the purpose we were sent for.
Sometimes our plans are long-term and Gods are short-term. We never know what He has in store of us, it's not our job to figure it out. It's only our job to do what He asks of us and let Him work our lives out, as He see fits!
As the school year started to come to an end I felt like my purpose for being in Belize was accomplished. I began praying because I knew I didn't want to come home and work in a secular job,doing the same old, same old. My prayer was for the Lord to open up a job position at God's Bible School and College for me. If I was offered a position to teach there, then I would know for sure I was supposed to go back home.
I emailed the principal I had interviewed with in January and just asked him to keep me in mind if any positions opened up. He emailed me back a few days later and told me he had a teaching position for me for the next school year, if I was interested. I WAS INTERESTED! My prayer had been answered! I accepted the position and we purchased our plan tickets. Then it happened! Just when life is moving along smooth a big ole slap in the face. He contacted me again apologizing that my position had been given to someone else. Apparently, there was a lack of communication and two people were hiring someone for the same position. UGH!!! This was totally a test of my faith.
I came back to the apartment and told Aunt Carol what had happened and that I didn't have a position anymore. She said, "We are going home, one way or another you will be working for God's Bible School." She was right, within a few days I received another email stating the issue had been resolved and my position was available. I was on my way back to America.
God works in such mysterious ways. We left Belize headed back for America at the beginning of July, our time in Belize had been fulfilled. God had used us for the purpose we were sent for.
Sometimes our plans are long-term and Gods are short-term. We never know what He has in store of us, it's not our job to figure it out. It's only our job to do what He asks of us and let Him work our lives out, as He see fits!
Monday, August 16, 2010
What is a blessing?
Have you ever stopped to consider what a "blessing" actually is? A faithful man shall abound with blessings: but he that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent. Proverbs 28:20. All to often in our Christian world today people tend to think of a real blessing only in the sense of financial. How many times have we heard, "Oh the Lord blessed me with a little extra money." I'm not saying that blessings can't be monetary, but I would venture to guess the blessings the Lord really wants us to have are spiritual. Those things that help us or another person grow.
While in Belize I had a real burden for the teenagers there. Most of them had been in the school for many years. They were from all different religious backgrounds, Catholic, Seventh Day Adventist and so on. They had heard many different things throughout their life and really were a little confused. They were good kids and for the most part really wanted to do the right thing. I found out quickly they were just a little unsure of how to go about giving their lives to God.
I had one student in particular that I had a heavy burden for. I had a burden for them all but this one was different. I prayed consistently for him to give his life to the Lord. It seemed the more I prayed the more dead set against it he was. He would say, "Oh, don't waste your prayers on me Miss, I have no interest in being a Christian." It would break my heart knowing that God had this master plan for this young man and he just couldn't see it. For months I'd pray and we would talk to him about the Lord, but to no avail. Sometimes children get things in their head that make them think that they have done so much wrong God could never forgive them. If He did forgive them, they would have to go make up to everyone they had ever wronged and have their forgiveness also. Unfortunately, that's how this young man felt.
I kept trying to think of ways to let the teenagers know that God's forgiveness was all we needed. To take our sins to Jesus and ask Him to forgive us, for some reason it was almost as if that was too easy and they didn't really trust that was all it took. Then it dawned on me one evening, the song by Casting Crowns, East to West. The words are so profound in that song, God cast our sins as far as the East is to the West, forgiven and forgotten. I brought the words to that song to Sunday school on one Sunday morning and had the children read them out loud. Then we talked about what they really meant.
Honestly, I can't really remember the exact time frame but at some point after the young man asked me to pray that the Lord would give him a desire to give his life over to him. Of course, I immediately went home and Aunt Carol and I prayed for him. God is so very faithful, before leaving Belize 4 of my teenagers gave their heart to Christ. To this day, 3 years later, they are all still serving Him and very soon will be attending Bible Colleges in the United States.
The young man who didn't want me to pray for him because he had his own plans for his life, he wanted to be a pilot, will be attending college this fall and getting his degree in Missionary Aviation. To God be the glory!
I say all that to say this, blessings in the form of money will NEVER top spiritual blessings for me and shouldn't for any Christian! Now I'm not going to turn away any money the Lord gives me, but it's not what keeps me going. The fact that I can influence a young person to turn their life over to Christ will always be more of a motivation and blessing for me!
While in Belize I had a real burden for the teenagers there. Most of them had been in the school for many years. They were from all different religious backgrounds, Catholic, Seventh Day Adventist and so on. They had heard many different things throughout their life and really were a little confused. They were good kids and for the most part really wanted to do the right thing. I found out quickly they were just a little unsure of how to go about giving their lives to God.
I had one student in particular that I had a heavy burden for. I had a burden for them all but this one was different. I prayed consistently for him to give his life to the Lord. It seemed the more I prayed the more dead set against it he was. He would say, "Oh, don't waste your prayers on me Miss, I have no interest in being a Christian." It would break my heart knowing that God had this master plan for this young man and he just couldn't see it. For months I'd pray and we would talk to him about the Lord, but to no avail. Sometimes children get things in their head that make them think that they have done so much wrong God could never forgive them. If He did forgive them, they would have to go make up to everyone they had ever wronged and have their forgiveness also. Unfortunately, that's how this young man felt.
I kept trying to think of ways to let the teenagers know that God's forgiveness was all we needed. To take our sins to Jesus and ask Him to forgive us, for some reason it was almost as if that was too easy and they didn't really trust that was all it took. Then it dawned on me one evening, the song by Casting Crowns, East to West. The words are so profound in that song, God cast our sins as far as the East is to the West, forgiven and forgotten. I brought the words to that song to Sunday school on one Sunday morning and had the children read them out loud. Then we talked about what they really meant.
Honestly, I can't really remember the exact time frame but at some point after the young man asked me to pray that the Lord would give him a desire to give his life over to him. Of course, I immediately went home and Aunt Carol and I prayed for him. God is so very faithful, before leaving Belize 4 of my teenagers gave their heart to Christ. To this day, 3 years later, they are all still serving Him and very soon will be attending Bible Colleges in the United States.
The young man who didn't want me to pray for him because he had his own plans for his life, he wanted to be a pilot, will be attending college this fall and getting his degree in Missionary Aviation. To God be the glory!
I say all that to say this, blessings in the form of money will NEVER top spiritual blessings for me and shouldn't for any Christian! Now I'm not going to turn away any money the Lord gives me, but it's not what keeps me going. The fact that I can influence a young person to turn their life over to Christ will always be more of a motivation and blessing for me!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
God's healing power
We all have a purpose in this life and sometimes it's a little difficult to figure out what it is. While in Belize I was really trying to figure that out. The funny thing is we don't see ourselves as others see us. One of the things I grab a hold of early on in my Christian walk was the faith that God still wants to heal us. Whether from heartache or physical pain.
I had read some older books about true stories of God healing people of physical illness. One that I would suggest is "Healing Divine", it's about 100 years old, however the stories people tell are truly powerful. I also did a lot of studying on the topic in the Bible. So my belief in healing grew. Over the first couple years of my Christian walk whenever I would get sick, (which wasn't often), I would have the church pray over me and God would heal me. Now that being said, I didn't usually ask for prayer unless it was something that I would have gone to the doctor for.
The evening before I left for Belize I broke my toe. My mom tried to wrap it and the pain was so unbearable when she touched it I screamed. I know that there is not much a doctor or hospital could do for a broken toe. All I could keep thinking was how was I going to travel all that distance the next day with a broken toe. Later that evening while I was lying in bed it hit me, have Aunt Carol pray over it. So I called for her and asked her to pray over my toe. She laughed and said, "I was wondering how long it was going to take you to ask." The next morning I woke up with no pain or swelling in my foot, I was completely healed.
On another occasion while in Belize, I was woken up at 2 a.m. with the worst pain ever in my side. I had never felt that type of pain and didn't know what it was. I was crying horribly and no matter how I laid, it would not go away. I didn't want to wake Aunt Carol up because it was so late, I really feel like the Lord spoke to me and told me to wake her up to pray. I argued back and forth with Him in my head because I thought it was too late to wake her. Finally, I could not take the pain anymore, I grabbed my little bottle of oil I had purchased in Israel and went in and woke her up. Through my sobs I told her what was happening and asked her to pray for me. She anointed me, half asleep and prayed, then I went back to my bedroom. I feel asleep immediately, the next morning I woke up with no pain. She said she had laid there listening for me because I had been crying so badly, but never heard me after I went back to my bedroom. A few years later that same pain returned and this time I recognized it, I had a kidney stone. God took complete care of me in that situation as well.
The reason I give you my life examples is because while in Belize God used our belief in healing to teach others. Really He used Aunt Carol, she has a much stronger faith than I do when it comes to God's power to heal. Sister Wade, the wife of the principal had been dealing with cancer for a few years. She was only able to work for a couple hours without needing rest. She was only in her forties. She was on a regimen of natural medications and diet which eased some of her pain, but still did not take care of the cancer. She had also had surgery at one time that didn't cure it. Aunt Carol did a lot of things in Belize, but the real reason God sent her was to teach Sister and Brother Wade about the power of healing. Sister Wade was anointed by the church and prayed for and she was healed! Her children to this day have written letters of how God healed their mother and how well she is doing, she is even working in the school now. Junior their youngest said,"if we came to Belize for no other reason it was for his mother to be healed."
I understand that it's not easy to believe God still heals today, but there are too many people who truly experience His healing power and not enough talking about it. It's not what we believe in our head. Lets face it, God can do anything, but it's what we believe in our hearts, "will He heal me!" That's what we have to believe, that He will heal. Don't take my word for it or even the stories I've told, test God. If you have a relationship with Him, He will show you what He can do. Just believe in your heart that what His word says is true. In James 5:13-15 God's word says this about what we have to do to be healed. "Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms. Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him."
I had read some older books about true stories of God healing people of physical illness. One that I would suggest is "Healing Divine", it's about 100 years old, however the stories people tell are truly powerful. I also did a lot of studying on the topic in the Bible. So my belief in healing grew. Over the first couple years of my Christian walk whenever I would get sick, (which wasn't often), I would have the church pray over me and God would heal me. Now that being said, I didn't usually ask for prayer unless it was something that I would have gone to the doctor for.
The evening before I left for Belize I broke my toe. My mom tried to wrap it and the pain was so unbearable when she touched it I screamed. I know that there is not much a doctor or hospital could do for a broken toe. All I could keep thinking was how was I going to travel all that distance the next day with a broken toe. Later that evening while I was lying in bed it hit me, have Aunt Carol pray over it. So I called for her and asked her to pray over my toe. She laughed and said, "I was wondering how long it was going to take you to ask." The next morning I woke up with no pain or swelling in my foot, I was completely healed.
On another occasion while in Belize, I was woken up at 2 a.m. with the worst pain ever in my side. I had never felt that type of pain and didn't know what it was. I was crying horribly and no matter how I laid, it would not go away. I didn't want to wake Aunt Carol up because it was so late, I really feel like the Lord spoke to me and told me to wake her up to pray. I argued back and forth with Him in my head because I thought it was too late to wake her. Finally, I could not take the pain anymore, I grabbed my little bottle of oil I had purchased in Israel and went in and woke her up. Through my sobs I told her what was happening and asked her to pray for me. She anointed me, half asleep and prayed, then I went back to my bedroom. I feel asleep immediately, the next morning I woke up with no pain. She said she had laid there listening for me because I had been crying so badly, but never heard me after I went back to my bedroom. A few years later that same pain returned and this time I recognized it, I had a kidney stone. God took complete care of me in that situation as well.
The reason I give you my life examples is because while in Belize God used our belief in healing to teach others. Really He used Aunt Carol, she has a much stronger faith than I do when it comes to God's power to heal. Sister Wade, the wife of the principal had been dealing with cancer for a few years. She was only able to work for a couple hours without needing rest. She was only in her forties. She was on a regimen of natural medications and diet which eased some of her pain, but still did not take care of the cancer. She had also had surgery at one time that didn't cure it. Aunt Carol did a lot of things in Belize, but the real reason God sent her was to teach Sister and Brother Wade about the power of healing. Sister Wade was anointed by the church and prayed for and she was healed! Her children to this day have written letters of how God healed their mother and how well she is doing, she is even working in the school now. Junior their youngest said,"if we came to Belize for no other reason it was for his mother to be healed."
I understand that it's not easy to believe God still heals today, but there are too many people who truly experience His healing power and not enough talking about it. It's not what we believe in our head. Lets face it, God can do anything, but it's what we believe in our hearts, "will He heal me!" That's what we have to believe, that He will heal. Don't take my word for it or even the stories I've told, test God. If you have a relationship with Him, He will show you what He can do. Just believe in your heart that what His word says is true. In James 5:13-15 God's word says this about what we have to do to be healed. "Is any among you afflicted? let him pray. Is any merry? let him sing psalms. Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him."
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A Humble Heart Will Do Wonders
Have you ever felt like you really need to speak to someone about how you have treated them? You don't understand why they just don't respect you. Yet when you really think about it do you give them the same respect you're wanting from them? I found out that respect is not always deserved, it must be earned, especially when we aren't doing our part in respecting the other person.
While teaching in Belize I had a young man who I would literally pray would not be at school on some days. He was such a handful and drove me insane quite often. This in turn caused me to be very short and impatient with him. On one occasion out of pure disrespect he ate the detention slip I had given him in front of me and the entire student body.
This particular young man was Leroy. He was a 14 year old boy, who lived in a not so caring home. One evening while at home the Lord clearly spoke to me and told me, "You will not win him until you apologize." I was so taken aback, I didn't feel I had anything to apologize for, but the words were spoken again. I told the Lord I would apologize the next day. The day came and went and I didn't apologize. Over the weekend I was feeling very overwhelmed in my spirit because I had not done what I told the Lord I would do. So I decided on Sunday evening the first thing in the morning Monday I would talk to Leroy. Would you know it Monday came and Leroy did not show up for school. As a matter of fact, he was very ill, he had a very serious kidney problem that he could die from. He had been taken to the hospital on Sunday with a 102 fever and an infection in his kidney. I immediately thought he could die and I would not have been able to apologize to him, although I was still unsure as to what I was apologizing for. I prayed night and day for him to return to school and each day he didn't show up. He was not in a hospital that I could go visit either due to the location.
After many days I was so upset, I began begging the Lord to help him to get better so that I might be able to speak to him. A week later he walked into the school building. I had never been so happy to see him in my life! I jumped up from my desk and ran over and hugged him and told him, "I was happy for him to be back." All the while he was looking at me as though I had lost my mind. I let him settle into his day and at lunch I called him outside. I proceeded to tell him my story and how the Lord had spoken to me and I needed to apologize and at that moment the Lord told me what for, it was as if a light bulb went off in my head. I cried and asked him to forgive me because my behavior was no better than his. I would allow myself to get upset with him and be just as disrespectful to him as I felt he was to me. I spoke to him about his spiritual and physical well being. I told him I loved him and from that point on I would be treating him with a different attitude. He never looked at me but accepted my apology and went on his way.
God truly works in mysterious ways. From that day on I never had another problem out of Leroy. He would bring me mango's from his mango tree (they are my favorite) and always treated me with utmost respect. He is one of the many students I will never forget. I learned a valuable lesson from him that semester about respect and how to obtain it. As far as I am aware Leroy has not given his heart to the Lord and I'm not sure what is going on with his health. I just pray the Lord will continue to work with him and not give up on him till He has won him over.
I do not tell you this so that you might see where I lack but so that you might see that the Lord can humble even the teacher to the student for His glory alone. Is there someone you need to humble yourself before? If you haven't already humbled yourself to Christ, that would be the first place to start. He will help you with anyone else from that point on.
"Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:4
While teaching in Belize I had a young man who I would literally pray would not be at school on some days. He was such a handful and drove me insane quite often. This in turn caused me to be very short and impatient with him. On one occasion out of pure disrespect he ate the detention slip I had given him in front of me and the entire student body.
This particular young man was Leroy. He was a 14 year old boy, who lived in a not so caring home. One evening while at home the Lord clearly spoke to me and told me, "You will not win him until you apologize." I was so taken aback, I didn't feel I had anything to apologize for, but the words were spoken again. I told the Lord I would apologize the next day. The day came and went and I didn't apologize. Over the weekend I was feeling very overwhelmed in my spirit because I had not done what I told the Lord I would do. So I decided on Sunday evening the first thing in the morning Monday I would talk to Leroy. Would you know it Monday came and Leroy did not show up for school. As a matter of fact, he was very ill, he had a very serious kidney problem that he could die from. He had been taken to the hospital on Sunday with a 102 fever and an infection in his kidney. I immediately thought he could die and I would not have been able to apologize to him, although I was still unsure as to what I was apologizing for. I prayed night and day for him to return to school and each day he didn't show up. He was not in a hospital that I could go visit either due to the location.
After many days I was so upset, I began begging the Lord to help him to get better so that I might be able to speak to him. A week later he walked into the school building. I had never been so happy to see him in my life! I jumped up from my desk and ran over and hugged him and told him, "I was happy for him to be back." All the while he was looking at me as though I had lost my mind. I let him settle into his day and at lunch I called him outside. I proceeded to tell him my story and how the Lord had spoken to me and I needed to apologize and at that moment the Lord told me what for, it was as if a light bulb went off in my head. I cried and asked him to forgive me because my behavior was no better than his. I would allow myself to get upset with him and be just as disrespectful to him as I felt he was to me. I spoke to him about his spiritual and physical well being. I told him I loved him and from that point on I would be treating him with a different attitude. He never looked at me but accepted my apology and went on his way.
God truly works in mysterious ways. From that day on I never had another problem out of Leroy. He would bring me mango's from his mango tree (they are my favorite) and always treated me with utmost respect. He is one of the many students I will never forget. I learned a valuable lesson from him that semester about respect and how to obtain it. As far as I am aware Leroy has not given his heart to the Lord and I'm not sure what is going on with his health. I just pray the Lord will continue to work with him and not give up on him till He has won him over.
I do not tell you this so that you might see where I lack but so that you might see that the Lord can humble even the teacher to the student for His glory alone. Is there someone you need to humble yourself before? If you haven't already humbled yourself to Christ, that would be the first place to start. He will help you with anyone else from that point on.
"Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:4
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
When it rains it pours!
The first couple weeks after we had arrived in Belize we realized life was going to be a little different and an adjustment. We had a two bedroom apartment with cold showers (or bucket baths) whichever you prefer. We had to warm water on the stove if you wanted anything to be lukewarm. Our fridge was the size of a dorm room fridge and our stove was like a camping stove, but it had an oven attached. We had to walk up two steep flights of stairs to get to the top and once we were in, there was no air conditioning or glass in the windows, which left the apartment open to little creatures. Snakes were prevalent in the area, however prior to leaving we prayed for the Lord to keep us protected and to not allow us to see any snakes. God is faithful and did just that!
I'm by no means complaining about our living conditions, considering some of the homes we visited throughout the country we were very privileged. We had the basics and that was really all we needed to get by. The best part about the apartment was from our back porch landing was a wonderful breeze right off of the Caribbean Sea. We were only a mile or so away and it was beautiful. I loved sitting out there during the evenings drinking tea, eating something sweet and chatting with whoever was around, plus it was the only place I could sit and pick up any internet connection at all.
We found out quickly that things were not going to be as we knew it back in the states. We had to walk our trash out to a field and have it burned. Guess what are in those fields, you got it SNAKES. We usually paid Junior to take our trash out or I would run like the wind, (for me a quick jog is about as fast as I can run) to throw it in the pile and make a bee line back to the cement sidewalk.
Then it happened.......the rain started. We were new to the rain situation and Belize and oblivious to the fact that our apartment filled up with water quickly when heavy rains came. This would explain why the floors were cement. A rainstorm came that bordered on a small hurricane! I was awakened by rain pelting me in the head and Aunt Carol saying oh so calmly, "Monica, you may want to get up your room is filling with water." Ugh, what a sight. We spent hours sweeping the water out of the house and mopping and drying the floors with towels, it was a mess. Through all the rain and mess that needed to be cleaned we never once said, "Lord, why would you let this happen?" We had not been there very long, couldn't He just wait to give us something like this to deal with. No, we knew we were supposed to be where we were and whatever came our way would be of the Lord and for His purpose.
It taught me a good lesson that day, even when you're in the Lord's will, you still might get soaked! It builds character when we have to deal with things that are unusual or even unpleasant. God wants us to be well rounded people able to rely on Him in all situations, but not surprised by any, whether it be inches of rain, feet of snow, loss of anything important to us or even someone not speaking kindly about us or to us.
I was thinking upon this scripture lately and trying to figure out what God is really trying to say. "That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." Matthew 5:45 It's good to know when the sun and rain come, He is my father and I know it's coming from Him and His protection will be there also!
I'm by no means complaining about our living conditions, considering some of the homes we visited throughout the country we were very privileged. We had the basics and that was really all we needed to get by. The best part about the apartment was from our back porch landing was a wonderful breeze right off of the Caribbean Sea. We were only a mile or so away and it was beautiful. I loved sitting out there during the evenings drinking tea, eating something sweet and chatting with whoever was around, plus it was the only place I could sit and pick up any internet connection at all.
We found out quickly that things were not going to be as we knew it back in the states. We had to walk our trash out to a field and have it burned. Guess what are in those fields, you got it SNAKES. We usually paid Junior to take our trash out or I would run like the wind, (for me a quick jog is about as fast as I can run) to throw it in the pile and make a bee line back to the cement sidewalk.
Then it happened.......the rain started. We were new to the rain situation and Belize and oblivious to the fact that our apartment filled up with water quickly when heavy rains came. This would explain why the floors were cement. A rainstorm came that bordered on a small hurricane! I was awakened by rain pelting me in the head and Aunt Carol saying oh so calmly, "Monica, you may want to get up your room is filling with water." Ugh, what a sight. We spent hours sweeping the water out of the house and mopping and drying the floors with towels, it was a mess. Through all the rain and mess that needed to be cleaned we never once said, "Lord, why would you let this happen?" We had not been there very long, couldn't He just wait to give us something like this to deal with. No, we knew we were supposed to be where we were and whatever came our way would be of the Lord and for His purpose.
It taught me a good lesson that day, even when you're in the Lord's will, you still might get soaked! It builds character when we have to deal with things that are unusual or even unpleasant. God wants us to be well rounded people able to rely on Him in all situations, but not surprised by any, whether it be inches of rain, feet of snow, loss of anything important to us or even someone not speaking kindly about us or to us.
I was thinking upon this scripture lately and trying to figure out what God is really trying to say. "That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." Matthew 5:45 It's good to know when the sun and rain come, He is my father and I know it's coming from Him and His protection will be there also!
Monday, August 9, 2010
I finally gave up hope!
I'm left with nothing, few personal possessions, no home, no job, my daughter went off to college and nothing to look forward too. It's now January 2008, I've been out of work for 5 months and at this point, just bored and feeling hopeless! I had given up all hope of going to Belize to the be a missionary. I had prayed and prayed, put fleece after fleece out to the Lord to show me what He wanted from my life and NOTHING! I was so frustrated, I felt like my life was at a stand still, no where to move either forward or backward, nothing to even look forward to.
Then it happened not one but two job opportunities, this must be it! The Lord is finally going to put me to work, if I'm not going to the mission field I'll at least be working (or so I thought).
First, my old company called me back, not for the same position and not for even close the money. However, I decided because I really like the person who would be my boss I would go in and talk about what he wanted to offer me. I showed up and as I walked through the company doors immediately I knew it was not where I was suppose to be. At the end of the interview/talk, I told him I couldn't take the job. I wouldn't be able to give 100% because I didn't feel like it was where the Lord wanted me. He totally understood and said a job would always be available to me.
Then a position I had dreamed about since I became a Christian. I had an interview with God's Bible School and College to work in the Academy. I had earned my bachelors in Elementary Education years before and never taught. I wanted to work for GBS and had no idea how to even go about getting on with them. This was where Montessa was going to college so it would be perfect. I could be working where she was going to college and teaching, the thing I wanted to do. I went to the job interview so excited and needless to say I left very disappointed and heart broken. I wasn't offered a position.
Once again NOTHING......Driving home I remember talking to God and at this point begging Him to show me what it was He wanted me to do with my life!!!! Ugh, frustration had completely set in.
That evening I was on IM speaking to Clara, the Wade's daughter who I met when I had visited Belize the previous March. For some reason, I asked her how their school was doing. She said, "mommy wishes the Lord would send us a teacher". I don't think I ever realized they needed a teacher. I finished my conversation with her that evening and said good-bye. I remember asking my aunt to pray that the Lord would open the door if that's where I was supposed to go. The next morning I got a phone call from a lady at my church whose husband was in Belize with the Wades at that time. She said, "David needs you to call him in Belize." I called Belize and David said, "The Wades would like to know if you would come to Belize to teach at their school?" They weren't able to pay me but they could provide an apartment and food. I said yes and asked my aunt to go with me to help, she said, "yes".
Within 2 weeks, we were packed and on our way to Belize, out of the blue going some place I completely didn't expect and with a family I barely knew. God worked everything out, the trip (a young man we met on our Israel trip, "Jaimee" picked us up from the bus station in Michigan and took us to the airport the next morning). The finances, He provided the money we needed for living expenses the entire time we were there because we didn't go under a church, we had to support ourselves. When traveling through Mexico we had no problems, even with the language barrier. God is good....took care of us every step of the way.
It seems as though just when I gave up, lost my faith is when God stepped in. I know His timing is perfect and looking back now I know why I had to wait. If you've given up on a prayer, don't worry He knows all about it. His answer may be No, but it could also be Yes, just not right at this moment. Keep the faith and know He hears you and always wants what's best for you!
My next few post will be about my experience as a missionary in Belize, God did some wonderful things during that time and humbled me as well.....stay tuned!
Then it happened not one but two job opportunities, this must be it! The Lord is finally going to put me to work, if I'm not going to the mission field I'll at least be working (or so I thought).
First, my old company called me back, not for the same position and not for even close the money. However, I decided because I really like the person who would be my boss I would go in and talk about what he wanted to offer me. I showed up and as I walked through the company doors immediately I knew it was not where I was suppose to be. At the end of the interview/talk, I told him I couldn't take the job. I wouldn't be able to give 100% because I didn't feel like it was where the Lord wanted me. He totally understood and said a job would always be available to me.
Then a position I had dreamed about since I became a Christian. I had an interview with God's Bible School and College to work in the Academy. I had earned my bachelors in Elementary Education years before and never taught. I wanted to work for GBS and had no idea how to even go about getting on with them. This was where Montessa was going to college so it would be perfect. I could be working where she was going to college and teaching, the thing I wanted to do. I went to the job interview so excited and needless to say I left very disappointed and heart broken. I wasn't offered a position.
Once again NOTHING......Driving home I remember talking to God and at this point begging Him to show me what it was He wanted me to do with my life!!!! Ugh, frustration had completely set in.
That evening I was on IM speaking to Clara, the Wade's daughter who I met when I had visited Belize the previous March. For some reason, I asked her how their school was doing. She said, "mommy wishes the Lord would send us a teacher". I don't think I ever realized they needed a teacher. I finished my conversation with her that evening and said good-bye. I remember asking my aunt to pray that the Lord would open the door if that's where I was supposed to go. The next morning I got a phone call from a lady at my church whose husband was in Belize with the Wades at that time. She said, "David needs you to call him in Belize." I called Belize and David said, "The Wades would like to know if you would come to Belize to teach at their school?" They weren't able to pay me but they could provide an apartment and food. I said yes and asked my aunt to go with me to help, she said, "yes".
Within 2 weeks, we were packed and on our way to Belize, out of the blue going some place I completely didn't expect and with a family I barely knew. God worked everything out, the trip (a young man we met on our Israel trip, "Jaimee" picked us up from the bus station in Michigan and took us to the airport the next morning). The finances, He provided the money we needed for living expenses the entire time we were there because we didn't go under a church, we had to support ourselves. When traveling through Mexico we had no problems, even with the language barrier. God is good....took care of us every step of the way.
It seems as though just when I gave up, lost my faith is when God stepped in. I know His timing is perfect and looking back now I know why I had to wait. If you've given up on a prayer, don't worry He knows all about it. His answer may be No, but it could also be Yes, just not right at this moment. Keep the faith and know He hears you and always wants what's best for you!
My next few post will be about my experience as a missionary in Belize, God did some wonderful things during that time and humbled me as well.....stay tuned!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Kicking and Screaming!
Just like a child who throws a temper tantrum because they want a toy, candy or doesn't want to eat their vegetables, I too was good at kicking and screaming when I didn't want to listen to the Lord.
In late 2006, our little Church of New Miami decided to close its doors. Myself along with my cousin Darin's family and my Aunt Carol (who was the pastor) had felt God was leading us all to the mission field for full time ministry. We all had our homes up for sale and were planning to go together. Our hopes were to start and orphanage in Belize. We had such a tiny church only around 20 people in attendance so my aunt suggested that we all go to my uncle's church until the Lord sold our homes and we were prepared to leave for the mission field. I on the other hand had my own plans.
It wasn't necessarily that I had a problem with my uncle's church because honestly I hadn't really been there since he had taken over preaching. My issue stemmed from forgiveness I had not given for something that happened years before. I felt my uncle had taken sides in a situation, condemned me and offered no solution to the problem. To be honest, I felt like he just made it worse. Although I love him very much, there was something about him preaching to me or being my pastor that I struggled with because I hadn't let go of the hurt I felt from the issue.
My entire church decided to attend his church, that is everyone but Montessa and I. We went to a friend of mines church. I liked their church because there were not a lot of people and I thought the pastor was a really nice man. He was also a Bible believing and preaching pastor. I attended there for sometime until I started getting a feeling in my gut (I'm sure the Holy Spirit),that this was not where I was supposed to be. A couple incidents came up with regards to the youth and the youth minister and him undermining my parenting and my beliefs with Montessa. I never said anything to Montessa about thinking we needed to leave, I felt like God would have to truly show me because I didn't want to uproot her from another church.
My mom had been attending with me for some time off and on and she knew my feelings. On one particular Sunday we were sitting in service and she said, "you don't want to be here do you." I told her, "No, but didn't feel I could leave until I knew it was Gods will." After service we all got in the car to go to her house and low an behold, Montessa said, "Mom if you don't want to continue going to that church I'm fine with it." Mom looked at me and said, "well there's your answer." Montessa was completely confused she had no idea what we were talking about. I then explained to her that I felt we needed to leave the church, but I didn't want to uproot her again. Needless to say that was the last service we would attend.
The next week I had to humble myself to go to my uncle's church. For some reason that's where I felt God wanted me. It took me some time, not to forgive (because I had already forgiven), but to trust him again. The people were friendly and of course welcomed me and Montessa. My mom started going with me there also. The rest of my old church family was there as well. We had some really good services there. I met the most wonderful woman who I love dearly, Sister Burns (she has since passed away and I cried for her loss, but rejoiced knowing she is with the Lord). She was in her late 70's or early 80's, but her and I just clicked. I loved her gentle spirit and the fact that she didn't want to intentionally hurt peoples feelings, even if her beliefs were different from theirs. She helped me become a less judgmental person and I thank her for that. If I went to that church for that reason alone then it was worth it.
I threw my tantrum and made my own choice as to where I was going to go to church based on my feelings and not listening to the Lord. It took Him a while, but He got me to the place He wanted me to be at the time. I went kicking and screaming, but obedience is always better than sacrifice. I learned a lot about myself while I was there. I learned I had to let go of the past and move forward. I had to let go of the disappointment and hurt I had felt over the situation with my uncle. God helped me do all those things. I still feel like I have every right to guard my heart, I'm only human. However, guarding my heart at the cost of doing what God wanted for me, will never be right or His will. If you're guarding your heart, speak to the Lord about it, ask Him to give you strength to let go of whatever it is you're trying to protect yourself from and if He'll wrap His arms of protection around you while you're letting go. He is always faithful to help in our time of need.
In late 2006, our little Church of New Miami decided to close its doors. Myself along with my cousin Darin's family and my Aunt Carol (who was the pastor) had felt God was leading us all to the mission field for full time ministry. We all had our homes up for sale and were planning to go together. Our hopes were to start and orphanage in Belize. We had such a tiny church only around 20 people in attendance so my aunt suggested that we all go to my uncle's church until the Lord sold our homes and we were prepared to leave for the mission field. I on the other hand had my own plans.
It wasn't necessarily that I had a problem with my uncle's church because honestly I hadn't really been there since he had taken over preaching. My issue stemmed from forgiveness I had not given for something that happened years before. I felt my uncle had taken sides in a situation, condemned me and offered no solution to the problem. To be honest, I felt like he just made it worse. Although I love him very much, there was something about him preaching to me or being my pastor that I struggled with because I hadn't let go of the hurt I felt from the issue.
My entire church decided to attend his church, that is everyone but Montessa and I. We went to a friend of mines church. I liked their church because there were not a lot of people and I thought the pastor was a really nice man. He was also a Bible believing and preaching pastor. I attended there for sometime until I started getting a feeling in my gut (I'm sure the Holy Spirit),that this was not where I was supposed to be. A couple incidents came up with regards to the youth and the youth minister and him undermining my parenting and my beliefs with Montessa. I never said anything to Montessa about thinking we needed to leave, I felt like God would have to truly show me because I didn't want to uproot her from another church.
My mom had been attending with me for some time off and on and she knew my feelings. On one particular Sunday we were sitting in service and she said, "you don't want to be here do you." I told her, "No, but didn't feel I could leave until I knew it was Gods will." After service we all got in the car to go to her house and low an behold, Montessa said, "Mom if you don't want to continue going to that church I'm fine with it." Mom looked at me and said, "well there's your answer." Montessa was completely confused she had no idea what we were talking about. I then explained to her that I felt we needed to leave the church, but I didn't want to uproot her again. Needless to say that was the last service we would attend.
The next week I had to humble myself to go to my uncle's church. For some reason that's where I felt God wanted me. It took me some time, not to forgive (because I had already forgiven), but to trust him again. The people were friendly and of course welcomed me and Montessa. My mom started going with me there also. The rest of my old church family was there as well. We had some really good services there. I met the most wonderful woman who I love dearly, Sister Burns (she has since passed away and I cried for her loss, but rejoiced knowing she is with the Lord). She was in her late 70's or early 80's, but her and I just clicked. I loved her gentle spirit and the fact that she didn't want to intentionally hurt peoples feelings, even if her beliefs were different from theirs. She helped me become a less judgmental person and I thank her for that. If I went to that church for that reason alone then it was worth it.
I threw my tantrum and made my own choice as to where I was going to go to church based on my feelings and not listening to the Lord. It took Him a while, but He got me to the place He wanted me to be at the time. I went kicking and screaming, but obedience is always better than sacrifice. I learned a lot about myself while I was there. I learned I had to let go of the past and move forward. I had to let go of the disappointment and hurt I had felt over the situation with my uncle. God helped me do all those things. I still feel like I have every right to guard my heart, I'm only human. However, guarding my heart at the cost of doing what God wanted for me, will never be right or His will. If you're guarding your heart, speak to the Lord about it, ask Him to give you strength to let go of whatever it is you're trying to protect yourself from and if He'll wrap His arms of protection around you while you're letting go. He is always faithful to help in our time of need.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Moving on!
I'm sure by now you might be saying to yourself, "wow, I wouldn't want her life." Believe it or not the year wasn't all chalked up to loss and change. The Lord blessed me that year also with allowing me to travel, a lot! Traveling is one of my passions, I love exploring other places and seeing how other people live. I've traveled by myself in my younger days to California and Tennessee, it's something that doesn't scare me. If I miss my flight, I wait for the next one......there always seems to be some mystery to traveling.
In February, before Jairus went to live with his grandmother I decided we needed to go on a vacation. So Montessa, Jairus, my mother and myself all flew to Disney World and spent our time having fun and exploring the area. Jairus had so much fun and I'm not sure Disney World is a place he'll get to visit anytime soon so I was happy to share the experience with him.
In March, I went to Belize. My Aunt, cousin Darin and I flew down and met some other friends who had driven there. We spent 8 days meeting people and exploring the entire country. Some of our time was on a converted school bus. We would sing, talk, sleep, and just have fun driving along the main highway. It almost felt like a time of refreshing for me. Some time I needed to just be away and it really helped. In the meantime, the Lord used the trip for bigger plans for my life down the road.
In June, over the anniversary of Jeff's death, Montessa, Jeff's sister Aleta (she was the only one speaking to us at the time)and I went on a Christian bus tour to New York City. We were on a bus with about 45 other people, the tour guides on the bus were from a local Christian radio station. It was such an enjoyable trip. We met some wonderful people and it helped all of us to be away during that time. It was my first time to visit New York and I have to say as wonderful as the Statue of Liberty, ground zero, Beauty and The Beast on Broadway and Time Square were, the highlight of the trip was truly the Sunday service at The Brooklyn Tabernacle. I would suggest to anyone who visits New York to go to that church and experience worship with those people.
In November, my aunt and myself decided to visit some missionaries we knew in South Dakota. Since I was out of work and she didn't have a job it was great timing. So we rented a car and drove to Colorado Springs and then on to South Dakota. It was a very stressful trip since I was the only one driving and I ended up sick, but we still enjoyed seeing all the sites of those states.
When I think of 2007 I have very good thoughts and some that are a little sad. A lot happened but each thing was one more thing to draw me closer to God. One more thing to further His plans for my life. I remind myself that people every day go through horrible tragedies and difficult times just like myself. I have someone to go to and I hope if your faith is in Jesus Christ you have someone to go to as well, the world just has to rely upon themselves and their own strength.
One of my favorite things to say in times of despair is "Move On". I can't change the past and I have no control over the future. This life is not mine, so the best thing to do is just keep moving on and trust the Lord for my strength to do so.
I love the Rascal Flatts song "I'm Moving On", it totally speaks to me and what we need to do. I have attached the link below if you want to listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1bxlDAjGCo
In February, before Jairus went to live with his grandmother I decided we needed to go on a vacation. So Montessa, Jairus, my mother and myself all flew to Disney World and spent our time having fun and exploring the area. Jairus had so much fun and I'm not sure Disney World is a place he'll get to visit anytime soon so I was happy to share the experience with him.
In March, I went to Belize. My Aunt, cousin Darin and I flew down and met some other friends who had driven there. We spent 8 days meeting people and exploring the entire country. Some of our time was on a converted school bus. We would sing, talk, sleep, and just have fun driving along the main highway. It almost felt like a time of refreshing for me. Some time I needed to just be away and it really helped. In the meantime, the Lord used the trip for bigger plans for my life down the road.
In June, over the anniversary of Jeff's death, Montessa, Jeff's sister Aleta (she was the only one speaking to us at the time)and I went on a Christian bus tour to New York City. We were on a bus with about 45 other people, the tour guides on the bus were from a local Christian radio station. It was such an enjoyable trip. We met some wonderful people and it helped all of us to be away during that time. It was my first time to visit New York and I have to say as wonderful as the Statue of Liberty, ground zero, Beauty and The Beast on Broadway and Time Square were, the highlight of the trip was truly the Sunday service at The Brooklyn Tabernacle. I would suggest to anyone who visits New York to go to that church and experience worship with those people.
In November, my aunt and myself decided to visit some missionaries we knew in South Dakota. Since I was out of work and she didn't have a job it was great timing. So we rented a car and drove to Colorado Springs and then on to South Dakota. It was a very stressful trip since I was the only one driving and I ended up sick, but we still enjoyed seeing all the sites of those states.
When I think of 2007 I have very good thoughts and some that are a little sad. A lot happened but each thing was one more thing to draw me closer to God. One more thing to further His plans for my life. I remind myself that people every day go through horrible tragedies and difficult times just like myself. I have someone to go to and I hope if your faith is in Jesus Christ you have someone to go to as well, the world just has to rely upon themselves and their own strength.
One of my favorite things to say in times of despair is "Move On". I can't change the past and I have no control over the future. This life is not mine, so the best thing to do is just keep moving on and trust the Lord for my strength to do so.
I love the Rascal Flatts song "I'm Moving On", it totally speaks to me and what we need to do. I have attached the link below if you want to listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1bxlDAjGCo
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The losses continue........they will end soon though!
I've returned to the past, I was able to climb into my time machine and quickly hop back. The year 2006 was pretty much not a good year all around. Come New Years Eve 2007 I thought maybe things would start looking up and they appeared to be. Montessa gave her life to Christ on January 7, 2007. I had pulled her out of Lakota Schools and enrolled her in an online school in order for her to complete her final courses and graduate early from high school. The goal was we would be heading to the mission field and I didn't want her to have to worry about school work. She said not being in public school and helped while she was trying to live for Christ.
I had put my house up for sale in September of 2006 and tons of people came through but never any takers. I was so sure the Lord wanted me to go to the mission field, but I could not go until both of my properties were sold, 4 vehicles, a house full of furniture and anything that was not going to be needed. Over time the vehicles sold and paid off, I had a wonderful friend of Jeff's helping me take care them.
In March, another big loss, Jairus our foster son who had been with us for almost two years went to live with his grandmother permanently. The dream of adopting him was no longer, I'm grateful however that the Lord still allows me to see and speak to him when he is in town. Montessa and I both took it very hard. He was one more part of our family to leave.
Montessa graduated in July a year early from school. She was enjoying her summer and had a fun graduation party where lots of our friends and family attended. Jeff's friends were so wonderful to her. Always there to encourage her along the way.
With still no guidance from the Lord regarding Belize and no bites on my house in August I lost my job! I would say that devastated me but really it was a God send even though it was a little unexpected. I was sure another job would be easy enough to find. By now I was down to 1 home, 1 child, 1 vehicle and slowly but surely an empty house with little furnishings.
I was so unsure as to why my home hadn't sold, I had prayed and prayed. I know everything is in God's timing, but come on Lord I don't have a job now. I had some people over my house one Saturday afternoon, helping my cousin and his family move in with us for a short time since they had sold their house as well. We decided to have a circle prayer right in the middle of my garage for my home to sell. This is how big God is.....Within minutes not even an hour, He sent my realtor to tell me a pastor, who had previously viewed it wanted to purchase it, for what I was asking! I didn't even have to bargain on my price, which I had never lowered for the entire year it was on the market. He paid cash for it, didn't require me to fix anything from the inspection and I never had to make another house payment after I lost my job. By early October, I had sold my home, all the furnishing in it and moved out.
I was gainfully unemployed, semi-homeless (none to call my own), Montessa and I moved into my moms house and stayed in an 8x8 bedroom together, my foster son was back with his family and I had no idea what I was supposed to do......so guess what I did? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING......I tried searching for a job and no luck, I have never been out of a job for longer than 3 weeks, but nothing, even jobs I was well qualified for or under-qualified. My aunt (who also lived with my mom at the time) and I decided to do something instead of sit at home all day so we started working in the soup kitchen at the Salvation Army a couple days a week serving. It was funny, some of the people thought we were working there because we had gotten into trouble and were doing community service. I didn't mind, it was something to do and I felt like we were making a little bit of difference with our spare time.
Then my daughter dropped a bomb, she said, "well mom since it doesn't look like we are going to Belize, I'd like to start college in January." So I moved her to God's Bible School in January of 2008......I was devastated. Although she may never have noticed it was so hard to see her leave even though it was only 40 minutes away. I was now truly all alone! I know I was totally being selfish at that time, I was happy for her to want to go to school, but sad that I had lost something else so precious to me.
God was working in her life and in reality mine too......He had began preparing me in 2005 for the many things I would lose or give up for Him. I would be lying if I said any of it was easy because it wasn't. The majority of it was very painful, but God was always faithful to show me He was still in control. With every answered prayer He was saying, "just be patient, I have something wonderful planned for you, but in my time not yours."
If your going thru a time of loss or a time of uncertainty about what's ahead in the future, remember He has a plan. Let Him work it out in your life and it will be great! While doing so remember and live by the advice in this scripture and it will make it a little easier to wait......Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4 (This is my favorite Bible verse)
I had put my house up for sale in September of 2006 and tons of people came through but never any takers. I was so sure the Lord wanted me to go to the mission field, but I could not go until both of my properties were sold, 4 vehicles, a house full of furniture and anything that was not going to be needed. Over time the vehicles sold and paid off, I had a wonderful friend of Jeff's helping me take care them.
In March, another big loss, Jairus our foster son who had been with us for almost two years went to live with his grandmother permanently. The dream of adopting him was no longer, I'm grateful however that the Lord still allows me to see and speak to him when he is in town. Montessa and I both took it very hard. He was one more part of our family to leave.
Montessa graduated in July a year early from school. She was enjoying her summer and had a fun graduation party where lots of our friends and family attended. Jeff's friends were so wonderful to her. Always there to encourage her along the way.
With still no guidance from the Lord regarding Belize and no bites on my house in August I lost my job! I would say that devastated me but really it was a God send even though it was a little unexpected. I was sure another job would be easy enough to find. By now I was down to 1 home, 1 child, 1 vehicle and slowly but surely an empty house with little furnishings.
I was so unsure as to why my home hadn't sold, I had prayed and prayed. I know everything is in God's timing, but come on Lord I don't have a job now. I had some people over my house one Saturday afternoon, helping my cousin and his family move in with us for a short time since they had sold their house as well. We decided to have a circle prayer right in the middle of my garage for my home to sell. This is how big God is.....Within minutes not even an hour, He sent my realtor to tell me a pastor, who had previously viewed it wanted to purchase it, for what I was asking! I didn't even have to bargain on my price, which I had never lowered for the entire year it was on the market. He paid cash for it, didn't require me to fix anything from the inspection and I never had to make another house payment after I lost my job. By early October, I had sold my home, all the furnishing in it and moved out.
I was gainfully unemployed, semi-homeless (none to call my own), Montessa and I moved into my moms house and stayed in an 8x8 bedroom together, my foster son was back with his family and I had no idea what I was supposed to do......so guess what I did? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING......I tried searching for a job and no luck, I have never been out of a job for longer than 3 weeks, but nothing, even jobs I was well qualified for or under-qualified. My aunt (who also lived with my mom at the time) and I decided to do something instead of sit at home all day so we started working in the soup kitchen at the Salvation Army a couple days a week serving. It was funny, some of the people thought we were working there because we had gotten into trouble and were doing community service. I didn't mind, it was something to do and I felt like we were making a little bit of difference with our spare time.
Then my daughter dropped a bomb, she said, "well mom since it doesn't look like we are going to Belize, I'd like to start college in January." So I moved her to God's Bible School in January of 2008......I was devastated. Although she may never have noticed it was so hard to see her leave even though it was only 40 minutes away. I was now truly all alone! I know I was totally being selfish at that time, I was happy for her to want to go to school, but sad that I had lost something else so precious to me.
God was working in her life and in reality mine too......He had began preparing me in 2005 for the many things I would lose or give up for Him. I would be lying if I said any of it was easy because it wasn't. The majority of it was very painful, but God was always faithful to show me He was still in control. With every answered prayer He was saying, "just be patient, I have something wonderful planned for you, but in my time not yours."
If your going thru a time of loss or a time of uncertainty about what's ahead in the future, remember He has a plan. Let Him work it out in your life and it will be great! While doing so remember and live by the advice in this scripture and it will make it a little easier to wait......Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4 (This is my favorite Bible verse)
Monday, August 2, 2010
An intermission to thank the Lord for an answered prayer!
I'm going to take a short intermission from telling my past story. I have had it laid on my heart for a few weeks that I need to share how good God is and what He has done recently!
Have you ever felt like the Lord has spoken to you and told you to do something, but you're just not sure it was the Lord. It's happened to me more than once through out my Christianity and I learned pretty quickly to test Him. According to 1 John 4:1 "Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world."
I was beginning to feel like maybe I wasn't suppose to be writing this blog. Maybe I was writing it for the wrong reasons. My full intention in starting it was for God to get the glory from a life He has changed. Not only did He change me, but He has never failed me (most people will say yet after that statement)......I choose not to because He will NEVER fail me. Whatever comes my way in my life it will be of God's doing, so how can I count any of it as a failure. Somehow Satan got into my head and started telling me I shouldn't be writing this, it's not doing any good and no one is even reading it.
A couple of weeks ago maybe after about my seventh post, I prayed one evening. I wanted to know if I should continue writing or stop, I needed to know I was doing God's will. It's not in my best interest to write this blog because lets face it not all of this is easy to tell. It's difficult for me to open up and be vulnerable and tell all my private business. I'm sure some people might even disagree with me for doing it. In my prayer I asked the Lord to show me that I was doing what He wanted me to do and doing it for the right reasons. Not to be boasting about myself or anything great I have done, I told no one about my prayer or my concern.
God is so kind and faithful He answered my prayer that evening before I went to sleep. My daughter made a comment on my blog that confirmed she was okay with what I was writing. In my head I said, "Great thanks Lord, but she's my daughter and she would love me know matter what and support whatever I did." Although I was very grateful for the comment, God knew this alone would not help me to know 100% this was what He wanted me to do.
The next morning I went for my normal walk with my friend Beth, after I dropped her off I was in McDonald's drive thru purchasing my favorite drink, "iced mocha" and I happened to open my Facebook account on my phone. Within my account was a message, a very detailed message by one of my FB friends. I have asked her permission to post it below, however for her anonymity I'm leaving her name out, I would rather share her message than her name, it's amazing =)
"Hey there! Your blogs have touched me, so thank you for sharing! I too was raised in a Christian home, all of my life, but am not living my life the way that I should. Not proud of how my life has turned out. Depression has ruined me and my family, but I don't want to use excuses anymore for the way my life is. I want to change it! I want God to change it! I know that He can and will pray that He will! God uses people to wake us up and I'm truly thankful for it! I'm sick of excuses and I'm sick of letting Satan walk all over me an my family! I am not where I need to be in life and am asking you to pray with me that I will let God be in control from here on out! I need help! I need praying friends! I need you and I know that God has lead me to your blogs for a reason! Thank you so much for sharing! :-)"
Right there in McDonald's parking lot I started crying like a little child......and you have already been told it takes a lot for me to cry. I was so emotional for two reasons, first, every doubt I had, God confirmed I was doing exactly what He wanted me to be doing. Secondly, for this friend and her situation and desire to be following Christ. (Someone who I haven't seen in over 20 years and have only spoken on FB once and not about Christianity). God is so amazing, He used someone in my life and in her life to show that He can be everywhere at once and answer both of our prayers. She has since re-dedicated her life to Christ. I see this happy person now with great uplifting post on her FB statuses and giving Christ all the glory. If the angels in Heaven rejoice over one who turns to Christ why shouldn't we!!!!!
Since then the Lord continues to confirm my fears by sending others my way with comments of wanting a changed life, a life lived for Him. My blog is helping and that's all that matters......extending a loving hand with an open heart to expand the Kingdom of God, regardless of what we have to do to accomplish it!!
Is there a ministry God wants you to do, maybe it's not the Vacation Bible School or a ministry your church has. Maybe He wants you to step out in faith and do something on your own, just you and Jesus working together. I have found just living a life and telling your story is enough to show others how BIG God is. I'm not unusual, people all over the world have much better stories than I, they need to be told......so go tell your story to someone and let God work in your life and theres!
"And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." Mark 16:15
Have you ever felt like the Lord has spoken to you and told you to do something, but you're just not sure it was the Lord. It's happened to me more than once through out my Christianity and I learned pretty quickly to test Him. According to 1 John 4:1 "Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world."
I was beginning to feel like maybe I wasn't suppose to be writing this blog. Maybe I was writing it for the wrong reasons. My full intention in starting it was for God to get the glory from a life He has changed. Not only did He change me, but He has never failed me (most people will say yet after that statement)......I choose not to because He will NEVER fail me. Whatever comes my way in my life it will be of God's doing, so how can I count any of it as a failure. Somehow Satan got into my head and started telling me I shouldn't be writing this, it's not doing any good and no one is even reading it.
A couple of weeks ago maybe after about my seventh post, I prayed one evening. I wanted to know if I should continue writing or stop, I needed to know I was doing God's will. It's not in my best interest to write this blog because lets face it not all of this is easy to tell. It's difficult for me to open up and be vulnerable and tell all my private business. I'm sure some people might even disagree with me for doing it. In my prayer I asked the Lord to show me that I was doing what He wanted me to do and doing it for the right reasons. Not to be boasting about myself or anything great I have done, I told no one about my prayer or my concern.
God is so kind and faithful He answered my prayer that evening before I went to sleep. My daughter made a comment on my blog that confirmed she was okay with what I was writing. In my head I said, "Great thanks Lord, but she's my daughter and she would love me know matter what and support whatever I did." Although I was very grateful for the comment, God knew this alone would not help me to know 100% this was what He wanted me to do.
The next morning I went for my normal walk with my friend Beth, after I dropped her off I was in McDonald's drive thru purchasing my favorite drink, "iced mocha" and I happened to open my Facebook account on my phone. Within my account was a message, a very detailed message by one of my FB friends. I have asked her permission to post it below, however for her anonymity I'm leaving her name out, I would rather share her message than her name, it's amazing =)
"Hey there! Your blogs have touched me, so thank you for sharing! I too was raised in a Christian home, all of my life, but am not living my life the way that I should. Not proud of how my life has turned out. Depression has ruined me and my family, but I don't want to use excuses anymore for the way my life is. I want to change it! I want God to change it! I know that He can and will pray that He will! God uses people to wake us up and I'm truly thankful for it! I'm sick of excuses and I'm sick of letting Satan walk all over me an my family! I am not where I need to be in life and am asking you to pray with me that I will let God be in control from here on out! I need help! I need praying friends! I need you and I know that God has lead me to your blogs for a reason! Thank you so much for sharing! :-)"
Right there in McDonald's parking lot I started crying like a little child......and you have already been told it takes a lot for me to cry. I was so emotional for two reasons, first, every doubt I had, God confirmed I was doing exactly what He wanted me to be doing. Secondly, for this friend and her situation and desire to be following Christ. (Someone who I haven't seen in over 20 years and have only spoken on FB once and not about Christianity). God is so amazing, He used someone in my life and in her life to show that He can be everywhere at once and answer both of our prayers. She has since re-dedicated her life to Christ. I see this happy person now with great uplifting post on her FB statuses and giving Christ all the glory. If the angels in Heaven rejoice over one who turns to Christ why shouldn't we!!!!!
Since then the Lord continues to confirm my fears by sending others my way with comments of wanting a changed life, a life lived for Him. My blog is helping and that's all that matters......extending a loving hand with an open heart to expand the Kingdom of God, regardless of what we have to do to accomplish it!!
Is there a ministry God wants you to do, maybe it's not the Vacation Bible School or a ministry your church has. Maybe He wants you to step out in faith and do something on your own, just you and Jesus working together. I have found just living a life and telling your story is enough to show others how BIG God is. I'm not unusual, people all over the world have much better stories than I, they need to be told......so go tell your story to someone and let God work in your life and theres!
"And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." Mark 16:15
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Walk a mile
Have you ever thought someone wasn't behaving the way you thought they should about a situation? Were they not showing enough emotions? Think of someone you have given a gift to, did they smile and appear to enjoy the gift or were they ungrateful on the outside? Did it make you sad if they didn't appear happy about receiving your gift? The thing is, not everyone acts the same when some thing happens. We are all individuals and every response can be different.
Right after Jeff's death his family stayed in contact with Montessa and I. They seemed to be very supportive. I tried to do everything I knew how to ease their pain. I gave them most everything of his. I also had his clothes cut up and made into quilts for his niece and nephew (who he adored). They, just like I were searching for answers to the why questions, unfortunately the answers they wanted weren't there and someone needed to take the blame. Honestly, I guess I can't blame them for blaming me, I blamed myself for a long time.
They felt like I wasn't grieving properly, I guess I didn't cry as much as I should have. What's interesting to me is nobody truly knows anyone during a time such as that. Who is anyone to judge how someone else is grieving. For one, I'm not too much of an emotional person anyway. My uncle teased me once and said, "someone would have to twist my arm and poke me in the eye before I would cry." Although that is a total exaggeration, it takes a lot for me to cry in front of others. Secondly, walk a mile in my shoes or anyones shoes for that matter. People are different, that's how God created us.
I remember the family helped us celebrate Montessa's birthday and we even celebrated Jeff's birthday in October. I told his mother about me wanting to go to the mission field and she seemed happy for me. By the time Christmas rolled around however, they no longer wanted anything to do with us or maybe just me, unfortunately Montesssa got put in the middle and lost another family. His death became my fault for them and there was no words I could say or anything I could do to change it.
I was told how strong I was and how people just couldn't believe how well I was taking the loss of Jeff. I think some people would have truly only accepted the fact that I was devastated by my loss if I would have crawled into bed and not left for months. My strength was surely not my own, there were days that's exactly what I wanted to do, but life has to go on. I had children relying on me and God. What kind of glory would He have gotten had I just given up. Even with the persecutions by family and friends, some of which were directly related to my relationship with Christ. He tells us to rejoice when we are being persecuted for his sake. I'm not sure how much rejoicing I did, but it did seem to make me stronger and my relationship with Christ stronger.
For about a year, I went through one trial after another surrounding Jeff's death with people. I felt like I was in a pit I couldn't crawl out of. Nothing I said or did helped. I had to just keep telling myself things would eventually turn around. To this day I still don't have any contact with his family, per their wishes. His father passed away recently and I remember being so upset and crying because I didn't know how to handle the situation. God gave me wisdom and helped me through that situation as well.
Through all the persecutions and accusations I continued to rely on God. He was my strength and helped me. To this day I have no hard or bitter feelings towards anyone, honestly. I don't have it in me and if I can't forgive, Jesus won't forgive me. If there are people in your life that maybe hasn't handled a situation they way you thought they should.......my suggestion is to not judge them, pray for them and forgive them. Remember, one day you might have to walk the same mile they are walking today, how would you handle it.
I found this quote today and I thought it spoke perfectly, "Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out."
Right after Jeff's death his family stayed in contact with Montessa and I. They seemed to be very supportive. I tried to do everything I knew how to ease their pain. I gave them most everything of his. I also had his clothes cut up and made into quilts for his niece and nephew (who he adored). They, just like I were searching for answers to the why questions, unfortunately the answers they wanted weren't there and someone needed to take the blame. Honestly, I guess I can't blame them for blaming me, I blamed myself for a long time.
They felt like I wasn't grieving properly, I guess I didn't cry as much as I should have. What's interesting to me is nobody truly knows anyone during a time such as that. Who is anyone to judge how someone else is grieving. For one, I'm not too much of an emotional person anyway. My uncle teased me once and said, "someone would have to twist my arm and poke me in the eye before I would cry." Although that is a total exaggeration, it takes a lot for me to cry in front of others. Secondly, walk a mile in my shoes or anyones shoes for that matter. People are different, that's how God created us.
I remember the family helped us celebrate Montessa's birthday and we even celebrated Jeff's birthday in October. I told his mother about me wanting to go to the mission field and she seemed happy for me. By the time Christmas rolled around however, they no longer wanted anything to do with us or maybe just me, unfortunately Montesssa got put in the middle and lost another family. His death became my fault for them and there was no words I could say or anything I could do to change it.
I was told how strong I was and how people just couldn't believe how well I was taking the loss of Jeff. I think some people would have truly only accepted the fact that I was devastated by my loss if I would have crawled into bed and not left for months. My strength was surely not my own, there were days that's exactly what I wanted to do, but life has to go on. I had children relying on me and God. What kind of glory would He have gotten had I just given up. Even with the persecutions by family and friends, some of which were directly related to my relationship with Christ. He tells us to rejoice when we are being persecuted for his sake. I'm not sure how much rejoicing I did, but it did seem to make me stronger and my relationship with Christ stronger.
For about a year, I went through one trial after another surrounding Jeff's death with people. I felt like I was in a pit I couldn't crawl out of. Nothing I said or did helped. I had to just keep telling myself things would eventually turn around. To this day I still don't have any contact with his family, per their wishes. His father passed away recently and I remember being so upset and crying because I didn't know how to handle the situation. God gave me wisdom and helped me through that situation as well.
Through all the persecutions and accusations I continued to rely on God. He was my strength and helped me. To this day I have no hard or bitter feelings towards anyone, honestly. I don't have it in me and if I can't forgive, Jesus won't forgive me. If there are people in your life that maybe hasn't handled a situation they way you thought they should.......my suggestion is to not judge them, pray for them and forgive them. Remember, one day you might have to walk the same mile they are walking today, how would you handle it.
I found this quote today and I thought it spoke perfectly, "Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out."
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