I was thinking about my life before I came to know Christ. We all have a childhood full of experiences, some good, bad and indifferent. Those experiences help to shape us and make us who we are today. While the good ones are always fun to remember the bad ones are what shape us and help us learn about ourselves.
Growing up my parents divorced each other 2 times and remarried 3 times. This you could see would make it very confusing on a child to figure out the whole marriage thing, as a result I too, married Jeff, divorced Jeff and later remarried Jeff. (That's a story all in itself and a miracle of God) It's funny how we sometimes follow our parents footsteps without much of an effort. Through the many times my parents were separated we went through dealing with alcoholism (my father was an alcoholic until I was around the age of 11). He went to rehab for 30 days and sobered up and from that point on never touched the stuff again. Praise the Lord!!!
My mom was a single mother trying to raise 3 children on a small salary and sometimes child support. Needless to say we didn't always get everything we asked for because even food was sometimes scarce. The joke with my brother and I is, "mom can make a pot of chili last for a week, all she has to do is add water." We actually remember eating chili for a week and by the end of the week, it being very thin. Mom did the best she could with what she had and she was a good mom. She loved us very much and always wants the best for us.
I also dealt with abuse growing up (this was not by someone in our family). Another challenge to deal with and it took many years for me to "figure" it all out. Ah, but with God's help it became easy to forgive and honestly forget.
By seventh grade my parents remarried for the last time, my dad was sober and acted like a father. He made the extra effort to make up for those lost years with his children. High school and college came and went, and I did my fair share of partying and not behaving the way I should, I have many friends who could attest to that. I joined the Air Force National Guard and served for six years. It took time, but I eventually learned how to deal with things in my childhood. Am I saying I always made good and wise choices, absolutely not, anything but, however, I always kept in the back of my mind my dad's alcoholism or the friends I remember doing drugs and it kept me from getting caught up in that kinda of life.
I got married in December of 1997 to Jeff and my father passed away of Cancer in June of 1998. A lot to deal with in a short period of time and in August of 1998 Jeff and I separated (worse decision of my life). We didn't even try and I didn't even care, life was to stressful and I didn't want to deal with being in a marriage I wasn't happy with. It was both our faults, so no blame being cast here. We both needed to grow up! The next few years kinda just went on without much thought. In July 2000, Jeff and I reunited, although by this time, he was NOT interested in getting remarried. His belief was it was just a piece of paper and what caused us to be miserable. Obviously, that was not the truth, but I accepted it and we moved on with our lives living together (another bad choice on my part, but never the less it happened).
This brings us back to when I found Christ and my life experiences from that point on. My wish is never to want anyone to feel sorry for me or pity me, because I don't feel sorry or pity myself. Everything happens for a reason, all my bad choices led to consequences. They also helped shape me into the person I am today.
It seems it's common to hear the excuse, well I did this or that because of something that happened to us. It's true our decisions do come from things that happen to us, but they don't have to define us as a person. We need to remember it's always our choice to do the right thing or the wrong.
Are you letting things in your past define you and or are you letting Christ?
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