Really Lord???

After returning home from Belize I was heading off to God's Bible School and College. I was so excited and looking forward to what was planned for the year, then I remembered, I only know 3 people at the school. My daughter and my pastor's wife Melissa who was also a teacher at the school (and I didn't even know her very well, I had just started attending their church)and Justin who referred me to the school in the first place, but I rarely saw him.

The first few weeks were an adjustment, new home, new employer, new way of living (in a fishbowl) and trying to stay out of Montessa's way so she could actually be a college student without mommy following her around.

I'm gonna be very honest here, by the end of the first month, I HATED IT!! I started questioning everything I thought I knew, what God's plans were for me and I felt alone and isolated. I felt like an 18 year old who dropped off in a foreign land and told to deal with it and make the best of it. Honestly, I was trying but nothing seemed to work. I started spending my weekends at my mom's house just so I didn't have to be on campus. I didn't know anyone real well and it was like walking into a new school as a kid and having to make friends all over. It was already a well oiled machine, these people didn't know me or anything about me and as a side note, I'm really bad at small talk. I find it difficult to just talk to people I don't know.

Again, God was trying to show me I needed to rely on Him and not myself. He always has a bigger plan than we can imagine. I remember praying one night that He would have to help me because as is, I wasn't going to make it. I went to school the next morning and asked Melissa to pray for me because I was miserable. For some reason, I don't know why it was easier to start my life over in Belize than it was just 40 minutes from my hometown.

Like the movie, Field of Dreams....you remember it, the one with Kevin Costner and the baseball players, "If you build it they will come." Well God said, "If you ask I will send you some friends" and He did! Answering prayers not only for me, but also the people He sent into my life at the time. It's all about timing, again I had to be reminded it's never my time, it's God's.